What I Really Meant To Say

 photo cred: Christa

When the mommy with a newborn and a toddler has on a great outfit, a blow out and full make up at Mother's Morning Out drop off (and I'm in pajamas).
 What I said: Good Morning!
 What I really meant to say: Did you give up on sleep completely or are you rocking a secret stash of Adderol? And also, I'm not jealous of how your body must be feeling right now but I am totally jealous of whatever your snorting that's working so well for you.

When the check out girl at Target asks to see my ID so that I can purchase my boxed wine.
 What I said: Sure!
 What I really meant to say: Is that a joke. Do you see these wrinkles and dark spots? Do you see my kid trying to rip every single thing from the candy shelves? Do you see this black hole of a diaper bag masquerading as a purse? If I was confident that I could find my ID in less than ten whole minutes, I would have had it out for you already.

When Mickey Mouse says, in his unbelievably high pitched voice, "Say, do you want to see my clubhouse?"
 What I said: Nothing. Just tossed him an eye roll.
 What I really meant to say: NO. For the love of all things holy, no I do not want to see your clubhouse.
Ever. Again.

When the sweet little Southern grandma stops me at the grocery store to tell me that my baby "must look just like his daddy!"
What I said: Oh, he sure does! 
What I meant to say: The sperm donor paperwork did say the donor has blue eyes!
 Alternate: Well, beats me! It was a wild weekend and when I think back I just can't quite make out his face....

When the baby's teacher hands me his daily report card from "school".
What I said: Glad he had a great day!
What I meant to say: Yeah, he was alive and kicking when I got here so I'm all good.

When you're late.
What I said: Oh, don't worry about it!
What I meant to say: Uh, actually it's not ok. We just wasted a solid 10 minutes of good behavior, snacks and an entire episode of Peppa Pig waiting for you and now the rest of our lunch is a crap shoot. Guess I'll be ordering mine to go.

When my husband picks up the baby and says "he stinks!"
What I said: Oh, really?!
What I meant to say: Yeah, I know. I saw your text that you were on your way home and decided to save that for you.


  1. Haha these are too hilarious! Now that noah is older, if he asks for something (like a drink) close to my husband getting home I tell him to wait and ask him lol!

  2. Hahahah so funny! I oddly got IDed this weekend too. What is happening in this world?

  3. This is a bold statement.
    Best. Post. Ever.

  4. This.is.awesome. And I totally feel you on the comments that your son must look like his Dad! Happens to me on a nearly daily basis. My girls have beautiful blue eyes (like my husband's), and mine are brown. People always look at me with a sad face and say, "They must've gotten their Dad's eyes." Gee, thanks, huh? Love your blog!

  5. Say it Sister!!! Wonder how they would all react?! Lol. I had a weird encounter at my local Walgreen's when I went to pick up a prescription; I was asked to verify my bday info and the lady went "1995?!" Uh no. Do I look 20 to you?! But it was also very flattering, so I didnt answer like that. ;)

  6. LOL "when you're late" - so true..... the rest of the lunch is totally shot


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