Not That Kind Of Mom

 Before I became a Mom, I was positive that I was never going to be That Mom.

I was never going to be That Mom who didn't have time to shower.

I was never going to be That Mom who gave up dinners out, Girl's Nights and cocktail hours.

I was never going to be That Mom who "let" her kid scream on a plane.

I was never going to be That Mom who gave her baby a french fry or a non-organic vegetable. 

I was never going to be That Mom whose baby fell off the bed the day he learned to crawl or That Mom who overreacted and rushed her baby to the ER for every bump on his head. 

As it turns out, I am That Mom.

I can't remember if I brushed my teeth today but I did put on pants leggings, so I'm considering that a win.

If given the chance, I will happily crawl into bed with my husband and watch re-runs of Big Bang Theory instead of arranging for a sitter, putting on Spanx and going out for dinner and drinks. 
Hey, at least I still crave his company.

While I'm very proud that we haven't stopped traveling that means that I have held the screaming baby who is inconsolable on a plane (and felt the glares of my fellow passengers).

I happily feed my baby pancakes, tortillas or a french fry or two if it means that I can enjoy the meal that someone else is cooking, serving and cleaning up after.

My son rocketed himself head first off of my bed 12 hours after he officially began crawling -all while I was standing just inches from him - and I rushed him to the Children's ER. After the doctor kindly asked us to leave so that he could attend to children who were actually hurt, we realized that the final diagnosis he had written on the hospital paperwork read: "forehead abrasion" thanks to the teensy little scratch on the babe's forehead. 

First time parents, party of two? 
Yep. That's us.

Before I had a baby, I was wrong about the type of Mother I would be. 

More importantly, I was wrong in the way that I looked at those who were actively Mothering around me. I was wrong to shoot a toddler mama doing her best to handle a public tantrum in Target a side eye. I was wrong to look at the newborn mama who had her baby out in the chilly weather with judgement. I was wrong to roll my eyes at a girlfriend who didn't want to meet for drinks because it interfered with bedtime. 

Those poor Mamas were just doing their best to survive and there I was on my That Mom high horse judging their survival strategies.  

Childless Bitch, party of one?
Yep. That was me. 

So, tonight I raise my wine glass to those of us who are eating their slice of That Mom humble pie. This Mothering business is one slobber covered adventure not fit for the faint of heart.
Can I get an Amen?

Linking up with Annie and Natalie for Thoughts for Thursday


  1. AMEN.....although I so enjoy your side eye, it is one of my most favorite things about you. xoxoxo

  2. I was the same way before Henry and I can already relate to this...insert monkey covering eyes emoji here...

  3. Yes!! I love everything about this! I was that judgemental Judy myself and have eaten my words and judgements on many occasions. Mykenzi wiggled herself right out of my arms and her face met our end table. I felt like the worst mother on the planet. You're doing great Momma and I love reading your hilarious twist on Motherhood. If we don't laugh with it, motherhood will eat us alive! Cheers to surviving! ;)

  4. I was totally going to say amen before I even got to the end of your post! It's something that you can't even comprehend until your a mother. I was just thinking today as I held my screaming teether that although I was counting down the minutes to bed time and mama happy hour, I felt so lucky to be able to be here with her and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else!
    I love your blog! I'm so happy I found it! You take everything I'm thinking and say it exactly as I would, but don't because all my mom friends act like it makes me a terrible mother! Keep keeping it real!

  5. Yes! I've been a mom for less than a month, and I have a new appreciation for any mom out with one or more kids. This post says it perfectly!

  6. I'm literally raising my wine glass to this post right now! Everything is so spot on :) We were all such judgy a-holes before kids, hey!? xo Sharing this on my FB page tomorrow!

  7. I fear I use to be this woman! Being a mom really changes your view on things! I couldn't agree with this more!!! Great post!! xo

  8. hahaha we all eat that humble after being a mom. Man, we were judgy before! I'm embarrassed for my previous self. It is hard to know before you are in those shoes sadly.

  9. I'm not a mom yet but I really try to put myself in their shoes. Mom or not, posts like this help us all be less judgy and more understanding. You never know what someone is going through. I would totally rush my baby to the hospital for that too!

  10. oh the Target tantrum. Wait until your baby gets to be about 4 and the dollar bin no longer suffices :) I would like to be the mom who snatches my child out of the store for her terrible behavior but I really NEED shampoo and a gift bag for the party tomorrow and.....UGH!

  11. Serious Amen. I love that we have so many friends with children because they get it, too. We still get invites to "meet us for brunch at noon" - don't they know that it's almost naptime for the entire family?! Ha! When we aks if some friends want to go to dinner at 6, we get crazy eyes like, "Who actually eats dinner before 9?" I totally used to not get it, until I became a mom. And I love every second of it. We fly, go out to eat and attend events with a toddler in's not always pretty, but we don't mind, and we hope nobody else does either. Great post!

  12. Well said my friend. Very well said. I know we are all guilty of saying "I'll never do that with my child" before having children. My favorite is the iPad, I was certain we would never be the parents that have our kid watching the iPad while out to dinner!! Ha! I couldn't put that thing in front of him fast enough to allow Matt and I to enjoy a nice meal out!!

  13. Amen Amen and again Amen!. We were the first in our group to have children and I know I drove them all mad when I became that mum. Mine was TV, she was never going to watch TV hahahaha! Beautifully written as always X

  14. A to the Men! Cheers to all of Those Moms, for they shall inherit the earth.

  15. I travel a lot for work and really sympathize with some mothers I see was sad little babies they're just tired or hungry and ready to go home I totally understand

  16. Oh I love this! I was wanting to write a post about this but could never get my words or thoughts together. You said it perfectly and you had me at spanks. ;-)

  17. Amen to that - you are an awesome mama x


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