Postpartum, The Second Time


After I had my first baby, I wrote often about my postpartum journey. I documented my body issues, the good stuff, the bad stuff and laid it all out there in the hopes that anyone feeling like I did would be able to relate to my experiences. Since then, I've really cut back on the super personal motherhood content on my blog but I think sharing my second postpartum journey is worth shaking things up a bit.

Without a doubt, my second post baby experience has been wildly different from my first and it's oh, so clear to me that the difference is a direct result of how I view myself and nothing at all to do with my babies.

When I had Gray, I lost myself. 

I had only one priority: keep him alive. 

I unintentionally neglected everything that made me happy and fulfilled, thinking I was doing the best for my son. I wanted to do it all "right" for his sake, to make sure that I was giving him every single thing that I thought he deserved from his mother and in doing that, I gradually left nothing for myself. Looking back, I was as happy and as grateful as I could have been and his newborn days are very precious to me but it took many, many months (and writing this blog) for me to reclaim myself as a person. 

This time, I wasn't having it.

When Georgia came into this world, I made a point, for the first time in my entire life, to extend myself some grace. Grace and crap ton of patience. She is loved, protected and nurtured and all of that is possible even though I make it a priority to take a shower and check my emails in the morning. 


My body is, of course, different than it was 12 months ago but instead of lamenting it or focusing on the new bumps and lumps, I ran out a few days after giving birth to snag a few items that fit the body I was currently rocking. I still wear my side panel maternity shorts all of the time (they are so damn comfy) and haven't bothered with anything but granny panties in 8 weeks, but it's all good. I have no expectations for myself this time and I honestly feel better about my body than I have in years. 

I've decided to only focus on what I think is best for my family and have tried my very hardest to shut out the pressure of what I think motherhood should look like. If carving out some alone time is what is best for me then that is what I need to do, even if that goes against what I once imagined motherhood to look like. 

And, as it turns out, allowing myself the room to fail, flounder, be a hot mess, shower, drink wine, make frozen pizza for dinner, grant unlimited screen time, throw away the blow out onesies, be one thousand weeks late on thank you notes, sometimes cry when the baby cries, curl my hair, forget to brush my teeth, never pull out my big girl camera and ask for help has given me an experience I didn't have the first time: to truly fall in love with my daughter during all of the craziness of her newborn days. 

I'm dead tired, never on time and am constantly negotiating with a three year old while holding a fussy baby but I am ultimately so thankful that this round of newborn weeks has been so different than my last. 


8 comments

  1. You literally took the words right out of my mouth. I have a 3.5 year old and a 2 week old and this is exactly how I feel this time around. In fact, I owe you big time for the idea of buying side panel maternity shorts/jeans for postpartum. Life changing.

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  2. I wish all first time moms could read this post! I didn't have PPD with my first (or second) but gosh the second baby has felt so different just knowing that ITS ALL GOOD. You'll survive! You're body won't stay the way it is 1 week post partum...it may not be what it once was, but it will change! Why is grace so hard for moms?!

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  3. I think it must help immensely also knowing that you will indeed survive! The first time around is so uncertain and the whole time we question "Am I doing this right?" But you got this! That confidence round two must be an awesome feeling!

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  4. This is so encouraging! I am due with my second baby any day now and very worried about experiencing postpartum anxiety again -- it took so much away from her first year of life, even though I was getting help for it. I pray everyday that this time will be better for me emotionally, and I think knowing what to expect does help!

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  6. I love these pictures. So beautiful! I'm so glad it's going better the second time around for you.

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  7. Oh how I look forward to my second baby, just knowing what I know from my first one I feel so much more prepared even if my first one is only 6 months old. Love the honesty!

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  8. good for you!! i hope i can do the same whenever we have another baby. those first few weeks with a newborn can be tough, so it's really important to take a little time for yourself. xo jillian - cornflake dreams

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