What I Really Meant To SaySeptember 20, 2015
photo cred: Christa
When the mommy with a newborn and a toddler has on a great outfit, a blow out and full make up at Mother's Morning Out drop off (and I'm in pajamas).
What I said: Good Morning!
What I really meant to say: Did you give up on sleep completely or are you rocking a secret stash of Adderol? And also, I'm not jealous of how your body must be feeling right now but I am totally jealous of whatever your snorting that's working so well for you.
When the check out girl at Target asks to see my ID so that I can purchase my boxed wine.
What I said: Sure!
What I really meant to say: Is that a joke. Do you see these wrinkles and dark spots? Do you see my kid trying to rip every single thing from the candy shelves? Do you see this black hole of a diaper bag masquerading as a purse? If I was confident that I could find my ID in less than ten whole minutes, I would have had it out for you already.
When Mickey Mouse says, in his unbelievably high pitched voice, "Say, do you want to see my clubhouse?"
What I said: Nothing. Just tossed him an eye roll.
What I really meant to say: NO. For the love of all things holy, no I do not want to see your clubhouse.
When the sweet little Southern grandma stops me at the grocery store to tell me that my baby "must look just like his daddy!"
What I said: Oh, he sure does!
What I meant to say: The sperm donor paperwork did say the donor has blue eyes!
Alternate: Well, beats me! It was a wild weekend and when I think back I just can't quite make out his face....
When the baby's teacher hands me his daily report card from "school".
What I said: Glad he had a great day!
What I meant to say: Yeah, he was alive and kicking when I got here so I'm all good.
When you're late.
What I said: Oh, don't worry about it!
What I meant to say: Uh, actually it's not ok. We just wasted a solid 10 minutes of good behavior, snacks and an entire episode of Peppa Pig waiting for you and now the rest of our lunch is a crap shoot. Guess I'll be ordering mine to go.
When my husband picks up the baby and says "he stinks!"
What I said: Oh, really?!