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The Aftermath




Just a few weeks ago, I hit publish on a post that really hit a nerve.

I mean, let's call it like it is, I had some riled up mamas on my hands.

My Instagram was flooded with comments, the post hit 1,000 page views in the first hour that it was live and the opinions were decidedly split. 

Should a stranger have told me to get my mom shit together?
And, now that the cat was out of the bag, should I actually get my mom shit together?

As mothers, the issue of prioritizing ourselves obviously runs deeper than a swipe of mascara or a few minutes wielding a blow dryer - I think, in general, we are fresh out of time, energy, and the two shits needed to even consider putting on a pair of pants with a button fly, but maybe that's just me.

And then I read your sassy remarks, thoughtful comments and direct emails in response to this very topic and it occurred to me that maybe I should put my money where my (gigantic) mouth is, ditch the old "but I'm a mom excuse" (and that comment about the button fly from five seconds ago) and get my shit together, you know, just in the name of blog research.

So I started pulling myself together every weekday. 

Yep, every single one.

It honestly took some prioritizing - and some shuffling of the way I looked at things - I felt like I was giving up the tiny bit of Me Time that I had during the day by spending the babe's morning nap showering, doing my hair and make up and putting on an outfit. Typically, I would spend the morning nap (usually no more than an hour) with a giant cup of Starbucks and social media (whoa, reach for the stars there, mama!) and I cherished every.single.second. To give that up for something as tedious as a shower, a round brush and squeezing into actual pants sounded less that appetizing. But I did it. 


And to prove it, I sent daily snaps of my mug to Meg. You can read her feedback and appreciate all of the glory that is our friendship. 



Shockingly, with the exception of a few rouge moving days, I am still doing it.


Yep. You heard me.

My name is Stephanie, I am a work from home/stay at home mom and I pull myself together even though I know I may not lay eyes on another adult human during the course of an entire day.


And I like it.

So here's what I learned after a few days of getting ready during the baby's morning nap:

I honestly feel like I am a better mother on the days that I am put together than the days that I am a hot mess.

That's a bold statement, so before you get all riled up, let me try to explain.

I am a good mother greasy or clean (and so are you) but on the days that I took time to get my shit right in the hour that I had to myself, I felt like the day just felt smoother. I felt less harried and more....accomplished. Instead of this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I wasn't getting anything done, that everything was a mess and that I had absolutely no time for myself, I felt more on top of things. Let me be clear that nothing else in my day to day life changed. There were still one billion puffs ground into the carpet and the baby still wore his pj's for most of the day, but I was different. 

Instead of feeling like I wanted needed the baby to entertain himself for just one minute so I could have 60 uninterrupted seconds to myself, I felt like I had time to sit in the play room and actually play with him. Instead of feeling so gross about my appearance that we slunk through the Chick - Fil - A drive through, we sent my husband a text and asked him to dine in with us at Chick- Fil - A instead (so, so fancy).

And speaking of my husband, I didn't look at the clock at 5 pm, realize he was (hopefully) on his way home and start making a mental list of all of the things we had accomplished that day (because my outward appearance clearly said zero) so that I would be ready to inform him when he walked in the door and surveyed the scene.

I am the first to admit that getting ready every single day is just not going to happen in my life as a stay at home mom to an 11 month old. But on the days that I can, I make it a priority.

And, that my friends, might have been just what I needed.
A moment, a simple activity like blow drying my hair that is just about me. 
Just about me as a person, me without him, not me as his Mom. 

So thank you to the semi-stranger who told me to get my shit together.

You were right.

*********

ok, mamas, hit me with it. tell me what you think because I know you're thinking something!
Stephanie | Olive and Tate |
17 Comments
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17 comments:

  1. I love the longitude and latitude bracelet! So cute.

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  2. You go Mama! I totally agree with you. The days I actually put myself together my days go smoother and I get more accomplished. While I totally think the kid-less snark was out of line to tell you to get your shit together, I think it was a nice swift kick in the ass. Not just for you, I think you sharing that post gave us all a swift kick in the Mom ass. Love the glam reports! Hot Mama! ;)

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  3. I love your glam shots to your friend! So great! I agree I feel so much better and more accomplished on the days I get ready. It's fun to have a jammie day every now and then with my baby girl but most of the time I feel gross that I haven't gotten anything done. Plus, I don't always like being in gym shorts and greasy hair when my husband gets home from work. I've missed your blog posts recently. Glad you're back!

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  4. 100% agree with you, I have been in a hot mess slump because I've been so sick for the past few months but I'm feeling as though I'm digging out of it and I may just go with your advice of just getting ready every week day for x amount of days to see if it changes how I feel. I know when I put myself together I do feel a little more accomplished.

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  5. you look gorgeous either way. I never wore make up prior to pregnancy and haven't picked up the need to do so after, but I do try to look like a human either way because I have to go to work every single day, and gosh golly it's just not appropriate to look like a hot mess more than a day at a time.

    liz @ sundays with sophie

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  6. So you're saying I should shower right now in order to look presentable at work in the morning. Okay, okay I hear you! Going now (and damn all I wanted to do was surf the web)

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  7. Stephanie I think you got it all right! I know when I was on maternity leave, the days I had showered and made myself presentable, I felt more confident like I could tackle whatever was thrown my way. I found a way to sneak in a shower during my son's first nap, and I knew my days would be more manageable with me ready for them. It's hard some days squeezing in time for ourselves, but I believe completely that when we do that we can be more fully present and confident mamas. Good for you!

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  8. Love it! I can always count on you to keep it real! I'm not a momma quite yet, but I somehow feel like I can already identify!

    Rachel @ LouLouBelleBlog

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  9. since I work and have no kids, I'm the opposite... I have it together during the week, but on the weekends I mostly look like crap. I need to work on that,too:((((((

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  10. I am thinking that you have amazing hair and that your convos with Megan are hilarious!

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  11. I am glad that you are doing whatever makes you feel better, I was annoyed because I didn't want you to feel bullied into it! And you do look lovely either way xx

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  12. I've totally used the 'but I have 2 kids and no time' excuse too many times. Yes, there are days where I'm kicking it glam style to the splash pad in a t-shirt, running shorts, sandals and zero makeup and I'm okay with that but it's amazing what straightening my hair, a full face of makeup and no flip flops can do to the self esteem. Taking time for ourselves every day doesn't make us bad moms...I honestly think it makes us great moms because if fixing myself up every day makes me happier, then that carries over into how I deal with my little people. Great post...love it! :)

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  13. i say as long as youre doing things to make yourself happy then go with it! and this was a good reminder for me to get my s**t together and pluck my eyebrows ;) xo jillian - cornflake dreams

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  14. yup, I always feel more together when I take a little time to put myself together. With 4 kids (2 having school and busy schedules and 2 crazy toddlers), I just learned that I need to tweak it. An every day hair wash is not in my cards, but dry shampoo and a curling wand make even day 3 hair look good! ;) I don't beat myself up when I can't do it (like now in the midst of moving plus those 4 crazy kids), but I take the time to do it for myself more often than not!

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  15. I absolutely agree. I feel better when I get up and have my shower right away. The rest of the day doesn't seem like a waste and the morning isn't a crazy rush for me to get ready when we have 20 minutes to get to school on time. Yes, my boys are 5 & 7, one in preschool the other in grade 2!
    I only wash my super long and thick hair every other day (I love Batiste dry shampoo). Also, I made a commitment to myself to workout 4 days a week. It has made a huge difference in my ability to deal with the stresses of the day. I am plus size but see the difference after just 6 weeks in my mind and body.

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  16. Oh yeah - I definitely agree. I feel SO MUCH BETTER about myself when I'm so fresh and so clean clean! A shower and hair and makeup first thing in the morning sets the world right, and gets the day off on the right foot! Proud of you!

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  17. I loved your original post. It took me a long time to get my shit together and now I make it a priority to spend my "me" time showering, and getting myself ready. I work from home too (plus kids) and it just gives me a nice start and end to my day!

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[name=Stephanie] [img=https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bWKwb2Q3WZw/WQdn7yB5LkI/AAAAAAAAEL4/O6N1Ma83XOQ0cKj9ooyvCOCGhVFroa1NQCLcB/s100/blogger%2B17.png] [description=Welcome to the ramblings of a Starbucks fueled wife and mama who finds complete joy in a generously poured glass of red wine under reasonably clean white sheets.] (facebook=http://www.facebook.com/oliveandtate) (twitter=http://www.twitter.com/oliveandtate) (instagram=http://www.instagram.com/oliveandtate_) (bloglovin=https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/olive-tate-14008949) (pinterest=http://www.pinterest.com/oliveandtate)

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