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Are you there, Readers? It's me...

I miss ya'll.

I think about you a ton.
 I wonder what you're up to, how your bumps and brand new babies are, if you are loving that new paint color in your living room, if your Etsy shop is doing well and how the Terrible Twos are treating you. 

Every day I think of this little corner of the world that I've created and the people who keep it afloat. 

But here's the thing: I made this precious baby and I am deeply in love with him.

 I watch his monitor at night to make sure he's breathing and wash his bottles all day long to make sure his favorite ones are ready for his next snack. Before I know it, another day has passed and I haven't found or made one minute to sit down with my laptop and tell ya'll all of the things that I've been dying to tell you.  

And secretly, I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. I love being Gray's mom but I also love being Stephanie of Newlyweds:North. I think one day soon I could be both of those things but it will take some changes and decisions on my part. I wrestle with sharing so many details or photos of Gray's life when I can't ask him how he feels about the whole thing. I worry that showing his sweet little face or the date of his birth may put him at risk. I worry that my thoughts or opinions on surviving this whole parenting thing will start a debate about Stay At Home Moms vs Working Moms or breast feeding vs bottle feeding (all of those things are wonderful in my opinion, but you know, bitches be crazy and all that).  

I've struggled with it all so much that for a while I thought that I might just call it a wrap on the whole blogging thing. I made a cute little send off picture and thought about what I might say to ya'll about closing down the blog. You know, the usual excuses: blogging takes a ton of time (it really does), I can just Instagram and still be connected with everyone, I don't get much sleep etc. And then I got sad. Sad that I might miss ya'll too much or not get to tell you about my sleepless nights or how big my feet are almost two months after delivery (seriously, I've had to buy new shoes). 
Sad that I wouldn't have the opportunity to document this new adventure in our lives. 

So, I couldn't do it. 

I can't commit to shutting down the blog just yet....

but I'm not quite ready to be back.

Will you be patient with me while I figure it all out? 

Love you, mean it. 

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Stephanie | Olive and Tate |
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